We've switched!

"I don't know" and a shrug were not considered an answer. You wanted to know my secrets and everything... and now?

I can't ever feel right all the time. My happiness is not permanent. I am deeply sorry.

I am sorry.

I am so selfish, vain, and conceited.

Terrible, terrible.

What's happening?

I'm tired of these words.

I can't have those other words lose their meaning.

busy |ˈbizē|adjective ( busier , busiest )having a great deal to do : he had been too busy to enjoy himself | there was enough work to keep two people busy.
OK 1 (also okay |ˈōˈkā|) informaladjective [ predic. ]satisfactory but not exceptionally or especially good : the flight was OK.• (of a person) in a satisfactory physical or mental state : are you OK, Ben?

Yesterday somebody passed me and said, "You're always sitting by yourself. I like it." Things were never like this. As each day passes I realize things will never be the same, they just can't be. I feel like I am floating through time and just doing what I have to do. Everything that surrounds me aggravates me. I am fueled by jealousy, which is an ugly thing. I can't even talk to him about things because he'll get confused and upset, which will make me cry and get angry.

I want to throw everything out of my room, but I know I would regret it in the end. I'm disgusted with myself. I want to stop biting my lips and nails, but I can't, it's inevitable.

Ha! I'll never forget dodging sprinklers at five in the morning on May 23.

EVERYTHING KEEPS GOING.

I miss you.

The wants are stirring again. Ah yes, continuously.

I think I'm holding back.

I need to break through this thing.

I'm in love.

Right now I should be sleeping, but I cannot. My pictures from summer were finally developed! Some can be seen here - photos!photos! I never did write about all my summer adventures, but maybe I'll get around to it sometime. All I can think about these days is him. It's so strange not having someone around after you've gotten so used to it; it's hard to adjust. Life is about to get really crazy and I'm trying my best to stay strong and on top of things, but only time can tell. Oh, time. Anyway, I should go try to sleep. Goodnight.

doyouthinkofmeasoftenasithinkofyou?

This is what it is to love an artist: The moon is always rising above your house.

I'm falling deeper everyday.



ilovehim.

There's a lot I'd like to say, but I just can't.

Quite perfect it is.... shall we continue?

I am in Ashland, Oregon.

I got to see my boyfriend for two minutes and I ran into my Drama teacher. I really do believe that this place is magical. When I saw Diante he gave me a book, The Family of Man. I love it so much, but it's difficult to find the photographs I really like online. So, instead I'll just share some quotes.

"Everywhere is love and love-making, weddings and babies from generation to generation keeping the Family of Man alive and continuing. Everywhere the sun, moon and stars, the climates and weathers, have meanings for people. Though meanings vary, we are alike in all countries and tribes in trying to read what sky, land and sea say to us. Alike and ever alike we are on all continents in the need of love, food, clothing, work, speech, worship, sleep, games, dancing, fun. From tropics to arctics humanity lives with these needs so alike, so inexorably alike." - Prologue written by Carl Sandburg

"... and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes
and then he asked me would I yes...
and I first put my arms around him yes
and drew him to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad
and yes I said yes I will Yes." - James Joyce

My jealousy makes me sick.

Summer is almost over.

In a few days I'll be on a houseboat, and then on my way to Oregon.

It's strange to think of all the ways I measure time.

I'm such a loser.

Bikes.

jealousy

I do believe it is true that I can't have all of you.
I'm trying to learn.

Please wait for me.

I do.

Heartbreak Warfare

How can you handle everything? Life is so scary.

This is why I need you.

Patriotism

Happy 4th of July!

I love you like I love the sight of a newborn,

the stars,
trees,
clouds,
humming,
and your kisses.
I Love, You Love - John Legend

Attention:

I love you.

The roses look nice and smell nice too.

How about this one?

I want to marry you.

This would be an appropriate song to sing to you.

iloveyouandimissyou.

I love you

Why is it so hard to say what I want?

I can't seem to get enough of her.

Beyoncé - Video Phone

I hope it leaves a scar.

I want you to be safe and happy.

She pans past the gray trees

Under a luminescent violet sky
Well lit by the prominent new moon
Bundled in God's milky fingertips

One day we'll be in Paris.

Are YOU listening?

I want a baby.

I'll miss you.

This is my life right now….

When I walk outside
I see the power lines living amongst trees
She is the electricity pulsing through those lines like the way she makes my heart pulse
And she is the tree
She welcomes me
And is green
She gives me life

Yes please.

Helping the kids out of their coats
Oh wait the babies haven't been born oh
Unpacking the bags and setting up
And planting lilacs and buttercups oh

But in the meantime we've got it hard
Second floor living without a yard
It may be years until the day
My dreams will match up with my pay

Old dirt road,
(mushaboom, mushaboom)
knee deep snow
(mushaboom, mushaboom)
Watching the fire as we grow
(mushaboom, mushaboom)
o-o-o-o-old

I got a man to stick it out
And make a home from a rented house oh
And we'll collect the moments one by one
I guess that's how the future's done oh

How many acres, how much light
Tucked in the woods and out of sight
Talk to the neighbours and tip my cap
On a little road barely on the map

Old dirt road,
Mushaboom, mushaboom)
Knee deep snow
Mushaboom, mushaboom)
Watching the fire as we grow,
Mushaboom, mushaboom)
O-o-o-o-old
(mushaboom, mushaboom)
Old dirt road rambling rose
(mushaboom, mushaboom)
Watching the fire as we grow
(mushaboom, mushaboom)
Well earned soul

i want.

This is for you:

I love him.

I want a garden.

j. newsom

Does she realize her beauty?

Peach, Plum, Pear

1917-2010

So strange, today I picked up her autobiography in Barnes & Noble.

Happy Mother's Day

I need to find some time to go here.

I have to say, that was a good birthday.

-I got a pair of beautiful green shorts.
-I bought myself an awesome pair of sandals/wedges/clogs.
-I was surprised with John Mayer tickets by my friends.
-I got into the Oregon Shakespeare Festival Summer Seminar!
-Many people wished me a happy birthday, which is always great.

Another good thing about birthdays: your behavior somehow seems excused.



I love him.

happy early birthday to me!

I walk into the fog.

they danced like sirens,

hoping the sun would come out again.

Finally! The photos have been uploaded.

Now, off to write my research paper...

I cannot wait for the whole album, but here's a great track.

Made a Maid-Laura Marling

happy birthday r.p.

It is mine!
And soon, all the pretty colors shall be in my possession.

Last night was the full moon for March, but I missed it, because it was too foggy.

To do list:
- Spring Break homework
- develop photos
- shop
- look at colleges
...and things I just can't remember right now.


I miss my boyfriend. Come home.

One more week and then a break. Pull through.

No chance.

What is this obsession I have with the sea?

I am forever walking upon these shores,
Betwixt the sand and the foam,
The high tide will erase my foot-prints,
And the wind will blow away the foam.
But the sea and the shore will remain
Forever.
--Kahlil Gibran

I have come to realize that reality checks are no fun. But, I will find a way to be greater than great once again.

You're so brave.

Today was actually rather productive and so was the weekend.

On Friday, a benefit for Haiti was held at my school and I performed along with other students and teachers. I think it was a success and we should have another one, allowing me to do a duet with my US History teacher. On Saturday it was rainy and cloudy, encouraging my want to be in Seattle. I took photos of everything, but I have to wait for the film. Later that evening I babysat. The kids have never been like that, they didn't go to bed until like 9:30! Today I made a calendar, a chocolate cake, origami heart, I changed a lightbulb. Unfortunately, I'm still working on my mass laundry pile and I still have to do dishes. I should probably work on my room too. I need some more music to listen to. All day I've been listening to Phoenix and Grizzly Bear, but I need something else. I also need to see An Education. I wanted to watch it a while ago, but never got around to it. More lists.

Phoenix
Grizzly Bear
St. Vincent

She refused to be bored, chiefly because she wasn't boring.

Mia Farrow as Daisy Buchanan

I am currently doing a project on the Fitzgeralds and The Great Gatsby.
Zelda is an inspiration, which is a funny thing to say actually.

Sutro Baths

I would have loved to been alive when the Sutro Baths was in its high time. It was so grand and glorious and it was all in San Francisco, making it even better. This place had it all, 7 swimming pools, a museum, restaurants, and an ice skating rink. Unfortunately, it burnt down in 1966 after having financial troubles. All that remains today are the ruins, consisting of some structural pieces and stairs. I still think it's worth a visit.

Being an adult.

I am learning to deal with the consequences of my actions as best I can.

Repeat, repeat, repeat.

Corinne Bailey Rae

This album is so beautiful and dark. The album title, The Sea, fits appropriately. The title track "Are You Here" fills me with energy and makes me want to go running around outside in spring, summer, fall, and winter. "I'd Do It All Again" is a song anyone and everyone can relate to. It's haunting yet present. I like the soul feeling in "The Blackest Lily" and her voice is so smooth. " I Would Like To Call It Beauty" is an obvious inspiration, and "The Sea" is a delicately grand ending. I cannot wait to actually own this album.

The rain is over. I was laying down in the sun today and it felt nice. My new music obsession, St. Vincent.

What a weekend.

Second week back at school and I get the stomach flu, although I did get it over a three day weekend, still a bummer. I still feel pretty weak, but I'm trying to get through it. What's even worse is that I was hosting a dinner party and I had to leave early because I got sick! When I was getting dressed this morning it was pretty obvious I was sick. On a somewhat lighter note, because of the rainy weather I've been listening to José González's cover of "Hearbeats" and a lot of Bon Iver.

Today after discussing Greek theater history, we had to write down what parts we are auditioning for in The Pajama Game. The thing is the musical is the same weekend as Coachella, so everyone's going to get out of doing the play and we'll have no audience. We live in L.A., you have to put these things into consideration when choosing dates!! Anyway, I'm going for Babe and Gladys. We'll see what happens.

I should go do homework, or take a nap, or do laundry-- something productive.

cupcakes, candles, and crêpes.

happy birthday, gibron!

nineteen, wow.